I've been doing a lot of thinking about marriage lately. It has become a popular topic recently, due in part to the controversy over same-sex marriage, and the extremely high rate of divorce.
From my perspective as a Christian, there seem to be two types of marriage, though the distinction is often blurred. There is marriage in the eyes of God, and marriage in the eyes of man, or the legal marriage.
In western culture, a man and a woman are joined in marriage in front of a government appointed official and they are said to be married. The proper documents are signed and filed, and a Certificate of Marriage is obtained and that is it. Nothing more is required.
Being a Christian, I wonder if this ceremony is actually necessary. I can't seem to find anywhere in the Bible that two people are to stand before a government approved official and proclaim their intentions in order to be married. Doesn't marriage take place when a man and a woman are in love, true agape love, and have sex? Some would say that marriage requires a covenant between this man and woman and God, but isn't the act of sex a covenant? What about if two people verbally make a covenant with each other and God and then have sex, doesn't that constitute a marriage in God's eyes?
If you don't view marriage as a covenant between two people and God, then marriage is merely a label instead of a state of being. When two people make that covenant with each other and God, they are creating the only bond that is of any worth. A legal document doesn't make you married. Neither does being part of a ceremony before an officiant, religious or otherwise.
One argument that I keep coming across is that we are to follow the laws of this world, therefore the marriage ceremony is required. But I say that is only required if you want to take advantage of the legal benefits of marriage. The law doesn't care if we say we are married and live together and go about our lives as married couples. If you check the 'married' box instead of the 'common-law' box on a government document they might correct you, but otherwise it really doesn't matter. What should matter is that we are married in the eyes of God, no one else.
People are all up in arms about same-sex marriage saying that it is desecrating the act of marriage and turning it into something it is not. Isn't that what 50% of straight couples do with divorce? How is letting two people that truly love each other get married going to ruin the concept of marriage anymore than we are already doing? It's merely a legal label that humans use to keep track of who said what to whom and when. It is not binding with God. God doesn't care about this little piece of paper that we place so much emphasis on.
If same-sex couples want to get married, let them! They say they are in love, they say they want to get married, who are we to stand in their way? If they want to proclaim to the world that they are legally married and can enjoy all the benefits, legal and otherwise, that it brings, then let them! Marriage is a covenant between them and God, not us. We are not fit to judge them or tell them that God won't accept them and their marriage. That is God's deal, not ours. I don't see any difference between a same-sex marriage and that of two non-believers. Though if the same-sex couple are Christians then they would care more if it was accepted in the eyes of God. But that's between Him and them, not us.
Now I'm not saying the man-made wedding ceremony isn't important. God loves us to stand up and proclaim love in His name, and make public confessions before both Him and witnesses, take baptism as an example. I'm just saying that it isn't required to be married in the eyes of God, and that being married in the eyes of man is secondary.
Welcome!
A Christian is a Christian, be they right, left, evangelical, emergent or conservative. If you believe that Christ died for your sins and is the Son of God, then His Will will work through you and the rest will come naturally. And isn't that all that really matters in the end? These are just my views from where I sit wherever it is in the spectrum of Christianity that I am. I wrote a little blurb here explaining a little more.
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6 comments:
Dude... interesting perspective...
I agree that Christians tend to make a bigger deal out of the issue of gay marriage than we need to.
First of all, I think that Christians (which I include myself in) tend to expect everyone else to have the same moral standards that we have, and then even if they don't we still expect them to live by our standards. I don't think that this is necessarily right. If we remember that the world is full of sinners (including us) then we must recognize that it has a different set of values. And because they do, doesn't mean that WE have to live by their standards.
I also think about the evangelistic value of picking such a fight. And there is none... Telling a group of people who does not believe what we do that they must live according to our values only pushes a wider gap between us. I believe that the best way to 'fix' this issue is to bring them closer to Christ, and that isn't going to happen by pushing them away like we often do.
Great, very thought-provoking post dude! Thanks!
I agree with you whole-heartedly.
What I often hear from Christians against gay marriage is that allowing gay marriage would 1) de-value mariage 2) change the definition of the word "marriage" 3) legitimize gay relationships.
But why would any strong marriage become less valuable if a gay couple got married? There are plenty of marriages out there just for the money or based on sex, but Christians don't seem to feel that these marriages de-value their own.
As for the definition of the word marriage, it's just a word. Language changes all the time and loading too much meaning into the specific arrangement of the letters themselves is not a very safe idea.
Last, why is it such a bad thing to legitimize gay relationships when plenty of other "sins" are being legitimized? I don't hear much about Christians concerned about gluttony or greed being outlawed; I don't even hear much about smoking, pornography or war being outlawed. I would say that there are much better fights to fight than letting two people be called "husband and wife," no matter their gender.
Well said. Thank you. It's commentary like this that make me wish LiveJournal was still popular, and that I could link to this little piece, and that my uncle and (more so) my aunt read my LJ, and they would come here and read this and shit a brick.
-daniel
When I originally sat down and wrote this, there was nothing about same-sex marriages involved. When I rewrote it, I added the bit at the end about it, as I figured it fit with the rest of the message.
The intended focus of the post was whether or not a ceremony is required for a true Christian marriage. But I guess when a hot topic is thrown in, that is what quickly becomes the focus. :) Which works too.
@Dan: I like your comments. You sum up the problem with this issue quite nicely.
@Heather: Exactly. :)
@Daniel: I should create an "email this" link on my pages. Then you could send things you like to people you think need to read it. :)
John 2:1-2
"On the third day there was a wedding at Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples."
You might recall that this is the occasion for Christ's first miracle, the turning of water to wine.
A wedding was a major social event in first century Palestine, and the celebration could last as long as a week. By attending a wedding and performing His first miracle there, Jesus sanctified both the institution of marriage and the ceremony itself.
Marriage is the sacred union of a man and a woman whereby they become one in the sight of God. The ceremony is an essential element of that union, because in it the couple publicly vow to remain faithful to each other.
Both the Old Testament (e.g., Gen 29:20-23; Judg 14:10; Ruth 4:10-13; Song of Sol 3:11) and the New Testament (e.g., Matt 22:2; 25:10; Luke 12:36; 14:8) view the public ceremony as a necessary part of marriage.
The philosophy of our day views the ceremony as unnecessary. If you love somebody, what’s marriage, just a piece of paper. Just live with the person if you truly love them. The most significant reason that the marriage ceremony is necessary is that in the Bible a ceremony was always a part of marriage, both Old and New. Christ Himself sanctified the ceremony. It was a clear and honest testimony before God and the world of the intent of one man and one woman to live together with the promise of fidelity and godliness. It is a dangerous thing to go into a union without a ceremony because it would eliminate a tremendous motive and a tremendous restraint to make things work out if there is trouble.
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