What does it mean to be the spiritual leader in your household?
A few weeks during one of our weekly small group meetings the topic of spiritual leadership in the home came up. Our small group consists of 3 married couples, and we were discussing what this looked like in our households.
The topic of the "spiritual head of the household" stems from Ephesians 5:22-23 where Paul writes,
"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (NIV)
In 1 Corinthians 10:31 Paul also says,
"3 Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." (NIV)
So from these verses one could infer that since the "husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church," that man is the spiritual head of the household. This is a role I embrace, and think it has been perverted by many. So what does this role look like? What happens when the man is a new believer and his wife is a long-time Christian? What about when the woman is a pastor, or knowledgeable about Christian theology?
Being the spiritual head of the household doesn’t mean being able to recite various scripture verses on command or having mad prayer skillz, being more spiritually in-tune with God or having the knowledge to interpret scripture or read the New Testament in Greek.
Being the spiritual leader means keeping the well-being of your family, both spiritual and otherwise in prayer. Being the spiritual head of the household means loving your family as Jesus loved the church. This involves sacrifice and being a servant. It involves listening with your heart, not just your ears, and being patient. It involves loving unconditionally, and forgiving every wrong action or thought. It involves teaching your family about God, and allowing them to make their own choices. We are to teach and instruct, but not to impart our will, for God gave us all free will. Most importantly, it involves talking to God about our family; keeping them in prayer always.
Being the spiritual head of the household is a role that all men can, and should, gladly embrace. It shouldn’t be a burden, or a chore. It is something that even the newest brother-in-Christ can do, and will help to strengthen your relationship with both your family and God.
People enjoy using these verses to show that the man is the leader and that women should submit to their husbands and obey their every wish. Unfortunately they miss the equally important subsequent verses, thus perverting the message. I’ll look at that in a future post.
An interesting aside: as I was looking around the internet for insight into this topic I found less conversation from the point that it is degrading to women, and more from women asking what can they do to help their men be the spiritual leader that they require? Just something interesting that I came across...
Use the comments section to let me know what you think.
Welcome!
A Christian is a Christian, be they right, left, evangelical, emergent or conservative. If you believe that Christ died for your sins and is the Son of God, then His Will will work through you and the rest will come naturally. And isn't that all that really matters in the end? These are just my views from where I sit wherever it is in the spectrum of Christianity that I am. I wrote a little blurb here explaining a little more.
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23 comments:
Preach it bro'...More love!
Nicely said. Enjoyed this post.
+1, well approached.
To what extent should Paul's comments be understood in the context of his patriarchal society, where women were not citizens and were considered property rather than people?
And what happens in same-sex housholds?
@Kari: I have thought a lot about my response, and this is what I've come up with:
A lot of what Paul writes has to be considered in the time and context of when he was writing it. For this reason, many people consider the Bible to be out of date and out of touch in today's society, though I think we can take these lessons and thoughts and relate them to today's postmodern culture. We no longer live in a society where women are oppressed and gay men stoned (wait a minute...).
I don't think all of the things that Paul says should be taken literally, like many things in the Bible. (though there are many that would disagree with this statement) The problem arises in determining what should be taken literally and what shouldn't. That and Paul was bitter toward women because he wasn't getting any. ;)
There is a lot that we can learn from Paul's words while keeping in mind the context that in which it was written and applying it to the context in which we live today.
The comment about same-sex households makes me laugh; I was going to put it at the very end of my post, but decided I'd see what just the first part got me in comments. :)
My take on the spiritual leader in same-sex households is that they are both equal; equal in a way that is different than a relationship between men and women.
Men and women are equal, yet they are given distinctly different instructions when it comes to spiritual leadership. Men are instructed to do one thing, women something else. I think these instructions still apply in a same sex relationship.
In the absence of one side in a relationship, the other has to fill in. In a heterosexual relationship, if the husband dies who assumes the responsibilities of head of the household? The woman. So therefore, in a female-female relationship one would assume the role of spiritual leader. In a male-male relationship, I would think they would share the responsibility.
That's what I figure anyway; lots of people would disagree.
Hey Christopher. You already said it... "Lots of people would disagree". I disagree with your answer regarding same-sex households. I think that biblical principles cannot and should not be applied to same-sex relationships since these are not biblical in the first place. I enjoyed your post about what it means to be a spiritual leader... However, I cannot say I enjoyed reading your comment on same-sex relationships. Just something to think about. No offense intended.
@Toby - Thanks for your comments. And for disagreeing. :) How boring would life be if we all agreed?
I'm glad you enjoyed the post about spiritual leadership. It's something I've thought a lot about, and continue to think about. Especially being married with a little guy on the way, I find it is something that pops into my mind more and more.
I had/have some trouble when it came to applying biblical principles to homosexual relationships. It's one of those things I'm torn about, and am still mulling over. I don't even know if I necessarily agree with what I wrote anymore. It makes sense to me on a base level, but when I dig deeper I'm not really sure. Part of me wonders why a homosexual marriage is any worse than a couple that is living in an adultrous marriage, or who are both choosing to sin on a daily basis.
Just something I think about. This blog is about me learning as well, so my thoughts, ideas, and opinions will be constantly evolving and changing. I think it makes me a better Christian.
I know we are off topic now, but any sex outside of marriage is considered wrong. This includes hetero and homosexual relations. We can even drop the whole homo / hetero part and just say sexual. Anyway, back to the original topic. I've struggled with being the spiritual head. I think we make it more than what it is. I do know this though. Your wife, no matter how independent they say they are, want you to be the spiritual leader.
Hi. Your blog came up when I was google searching for answers on the whole husband/spiritual household/leadership issue. My husband is an amazing man. I've always encouraged him to be more of a leader b/c I told him it was biblical and he needed to "step up". (not sure that was very "biblical" of me) SOOO how do women enourage their husbands to be spiritual leaders?
What about those of us without a man to be the head of the house (or stronger vessel)? I am a fairly young widow and I know a lot of other widows and single females.
It has become necessary to become the spiritual leader in my family. As a mother, how do I do this? I want to do want is best for my children. I've tried searching for information online and all I am finding is information for men. Can you help?
I enjoyed the post. My husband and I had this very discussion last night and he seems to think that because I own the house we live in that (which he resents) he feels that he can't be the head of a household that he doesn't own. I have tried quite unsuccessfully to explain to him that ownership has nothing at all to do with it. By the way, I owned the home before we got married. I'm at my wits end trying to get him to step up to the plate and take the spiritual lead in our home.
I discuss this at length in my blog, with both doctrinal and cultural discussions.
check it out at Good Strong Men
why aren't same-sex relationships biblical? when same-sex issues were addressed in the bible it was in the guidelines given to the priests not the general public.
Regarding same-sex marriages...
Consider the following passages:
Lev 18:22 -- In this verse the Lord states that it is an abomination to be with a man as one is to be in a relationship with a woman.
**Related verses: Lev20:13, Deut23:18, Rom1:27
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 -- In these verses, Paul is stating that homosexuality is unrighteous.
These verses, as with the entire Bible, are given to the "public".
As a woman and a feminist I am offended by this whole article. Women are just as capable as being in any role as any man. Why then should I have to submit to the will of a man? Well I tell you, I will never! I honor my fiance as an equal and show him the same respect that he shows me, and quite frankly there have been times in our relationship when I am far more spiritually advanced than he is, so why on earth would he not learn from me and allow me to lead him when he is in need? No one should feel pressured to take on a role that they do not want to assume...and no I do not think the bible is up with society. I believe in Christ, I do, but I will never call myself a christian as long as the submission of women is condoned in any teaching. Get with the times.
As a woman and a feminist I am offended by this whole article. Women are just as capable as being in any role as any man. Why then should I have to submit to the will of a man? Well I tell you, I will never! I honor my fiance as an equal and show him the same respect that he shows me, and quite frankly there have been times in our relationship when I am far more spiritually advanced than he is, so why on earth would he not learn from me and allow me to lead him when he is in need? No one should feel pressured to take on a role that they do not want to assume...and no I do not think the bible is up with society. I believe in Christ, I do, but I will never call myself a christian as long as the submission of women is condoned in any teaching. Get with the times.
It would be nice if folks stopped hiding behind anonymity and availed themselves to discussion.
Why should the Bible keep up with our times. Why should we not follow the laws ofbthe Bible. The "times " have caused us to have divorce rates, sexual immortality, and an STD rate that is out of this world. We need to do as God says and leave it there. End of story. We have too many lukewarm Christians. It is so sad.
This seems to me to be the most pertinent part of this scripture on this subject: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.1 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Reading this the Bible gives much more responsibility to the man. Jesus loved the church so much that he gave his life for it. As for the gay and feminist lifestyle comments in response to this subject. Simply put, those lifestyle choices are not biblically supported.
Your telling Gods word to get with the times? Gods word is Gods word. He's not going to change his mind. There are no revisions. That's ridiculous.
Jesus submitted to the father that did not make him inferior. the woman submitting and the man loving like Christ makes each point independently, moot. I can't for the life of me find or imagine what spiritual leadership that would cause the man to usurp the wives opinion. Everything I have ever read only shows how a man should be strong spiritually , it has nothing to do with leading his wife. Jesus came to turn the social order upside down. Gentiles, Jews, children , slaves women. We must be careful not to allow the way women were viewed 2000 years ago to be the only social order to remain. God always worked and ruled within the social norms. He did not approve of polygamy but he dealt with it. Regarding homosexuality, it is an abomination to God, Jesus is God , God never changes . However social norms regarding women did.
I have yet to see an explanation that I can really accept for why men are more capable of being spiritual leaders than women are. I've met some amazing female pastors, and I'm glad that more women are becoming pastors. To me, they prove they women can in fact lead a congregation, which of course includes men. This being said, I don't see why it's different for a woman to lead spiritually in a marriage. Some of these comments have said that men don't always feel as able to. As I see it, men feel emasculated by women taking such leadership roles because society says that it's right for men to lead women. From what I've seen, women are just as capable.
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